Commitment-Phobia

     8.   Rogue stared at the clock. 11:57 it flashed. "There's no way it could only be two minutes since the last time ah checked!" She exclaimed with frustration. The whole night she had focused her thoughts solely around the subject of Remy's date. She tried watching a movie to try to drown her thoughts out, but even her favorite movie, Gone With the Wind, could not prevent her from thinking about Remy. She knew she was being obsessive, and in part it was her fault that he had a date, but did he really have to have Isabella pick him up? She wondered.

        "Stupid Cajun." She muttered bitterly for the hundredth time that night.

        Fine, maybe I shouldn't have had Jason come pick me up last night or Remy wouldn't have pulled his stunt today. Still, it's not like I even like Jason like that. He's just a friend. She thought as she started to pace around the living room.

        *Ring Ring*

        Rogue ran to the phone with an assumption that it might be Remy.

        "Hello?"

        "Hi Anna." A happy voice said.

        Rogue's face dropped at the recognition of Jason's voice. How stupid I was to think Remy would call. That doesn't even make sense, she realized.

        "Hiya Sugah. How are ya?" She replied in a forced happy tone.

        "I'm good. I'm sorry I called so late but I couldn't stop thinking about you. I guess I just wanted to hear your voice to know you really did exist and last night did really happen." He said as he gave a nervous laugh.

        Rogue smiled at his sweet words. "That's so sweet, Jason. Last night was really fun. Thanks for the good time, ah really needed it." She said genuinely.

        "Anytime, Anna. And I mean it. Anytime you just want to hang out or go out or stay in with someone, just call. I'll be free or I'll make sure I am free." Jason replied not realizing how desperate that sounded until after he said it.

        Rogue let out a laugh at his jumble of words. He is really sweet, she thought. "Ah will make sure ah do. How about t'morrow? Y'wanna do lunch or sometin'?" She asked.

        "Would I ever! Umm.. I mean, I would love to join you for lunch." He answered with the last sentence in a cooler tone to try to mask his eagerness.

        "Sounds great, sugah. Sounds really great." Rogue simply stated.

        The two talked late into the night and Rogue slowly forgot about Remy, his date, and her jealousy.

        ***

        "Yeah, and so that's how I got into the modeling business. Isn't that just the funniest story?" Isabella said and laughed at her own story.

        "Umm.. yeah. Haha." Remy replied as he tried to force a laugh out of himself.

        I wonder what Rogue is doing right now, he pondered. He checked the time on his watch. It was already midnight. She should be in bed by now, he thought. I wonder what she's wearing.

        "Remy? REMY!" Isabella exclaimed as she tried to get her date's attention back.

        He snapped out of his thoughts and focused his eyes back on the beautiful blonde beside him. For a split second there, he had totally forgotten that he was on a date.

        "What were you thinking about? You like so totally were spacing out on me!" She cried with annoyance. This was the first time a man didn't give her his full attention, and she wasn't happy.

        "Remy was t'inking about how beautiful you look t'night, Isabella." He said with a charming smile. Her face immediately grew soft again.

        "Aww, Remy, that's so sweet. You'll get a little something special for that later." She whispered in his ear and gave it a little nibble. In response to that, Remy held her closer to him and gave her a little pat on the bum.

        They have been walking on the beach under the brightness of the moonlight for an hour now. Earlier, they had gone to a nice little French restaurant for dinner. After that, she had insisted to go for a stroll on the beach to get to know each other better. Although, Isabella was the one who did most of the talking, while Remy tried very hard to keep up the impression of attentiveness.

        After a few minutes more of walking, they finally approached a small beach house. "Here you are, chere. Remy had a great time." He said and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

        She wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a long deep kiss. "I had a great time too, but the night isn't over, darling." She purred into his ear.

        Remy lifted his hands behind him and slowly unlocked her hands. He lightly pushed her away. Feeling the rejection, her eyes started to glow with anger. Sensing this, he took her hands in his. "Chere, as much as Remy would love t'spend de night, he is a gentleman through and through. And a gentleman never takes advantage of such a belle fille on de first date."

        Her eyes softened at his words. She wrapped her arms around him again and gave him another deep kiss. "Well, I'll allow you to be a gentleman this time, but next time things aren't going to end so incredibly adorable. I can promise you that." She purred once more.

        Remy gave her a short peck on her forehead and said, "G'night petite. Sweet dreams."

        She gave him one more long kiss before she untangled herself from him. "That's just a preview for next time." She said and walked into her house.

        "Dere won't be a next time." Remy said with relief as soon as he saw the doors closed behind her.

        He sighed and began his long walk home. The whole night, he had struggled so hard to pay attention to Isabella. As hard as he tried, she always wound up boring him to death. Whatever did I see in that girl, he thought. He had met her during his walk after the whole sex fiasco earlier. She was doing some sort of car modeling shoot by the beach and had caught his eye. He was drawn to her dressed in a skimpy little bikini, standing next to a hot rod in provocative poses. During her break, he had walked up to her and it didn't take much of his charm to make her agree to going on a date with him.

        "As hot as she was, she ain't more interestin' den a doorknob." He muttered to himself.

        When he did succumb to drowning out Isabella, the only thought on his mind was Rogue. He felt a little guilty afterwards for the show he purposely put on with Isabella. He knew it was outright mean, but he was still angry about the night before with the Jason incident. Jason, what an ugly name, he thought. What the hell does she see in that prissy Boy Scout? She could have any man she wanted, so why did she choose this little blonde snot? He wondered.

        "Blah, y'know why, Lebeau. Dat lil' snot is willing t'give Rogue everyt'ings he's got and he ain't scared of holdin' back." Remy said to himself.

        The first glance Remy had of Jason, he knew that Jason was the type that was willing to give himself fully to a relationship. He could tell that Jason had already fallen hard for Rogue and if given the chance, Jason would do everything in his power to make Rogue happy. He wasn't scared of putting his whole heart and being on the line for Rogue. Remy could tell that Jason was just that kind of guy. The kind of guy that Rogue deserved and the kind of guy Remy wasn't sure he was.

        Remy sighed heavily and continued his long walk home. He had a lot of thinking to do.

        ***

        The sun shined brightly on Rogue's face. She rolled over and checked the time. 12:30 it stated. She jumped out of bed. She realized she only had thirty minutes to get dressed and meet Jason for lunch. She quickly ran into the bathroom and started brushing her teeth with one hand and combing her hair with her other hand. As soon as she was done, she whipped off her pajamas and ran into her bedroom to find something decent to wear for her lunch date. Once she stepped back into her bedroom, she noticed a pair of red eyes staring at her from the doorway.

        "SWAMP RAT! GET OUT!" She yelled as she attempted to grab something to cover herself up.

        Remy laughed at her attempt. "Chere, it ain't like Remy hasn't seen y'naked b'fore." He commented with a grin on his face.

        "Ah don't care! Just 'cause y've seen me naked before ain't gonna mean y're getting a freebie! Now SCAT!" She said with a robe on now, and pushing him out the door. She slammed the door shut and locked it.

        "Aww.. chere, y're no fun anymore!" Remy said through the door.

        "Ah'm still fun! Just not that kind o'fun wit' ya!" She replied while pulling on a green t-shirt and a black miniskirt. She pulled her hair into a ponytail and pulled her black boots on. She grabbed her purse and opened her door to head out. However, she found that Remy was still standing at her doorway and blocking her path.

        "Move, Cajun. Ah'm late!" She cried as she tried to push him out of the way.

        He grabbed her hands and pulled him close to him. He gazed down at her emerald eyes with his hypnotic ruby eyes. For a few minutes, they remained locked in each other's eyes. Finally, Rogue spoke up. "Cajun, Ah'm late."

        "Where y'going, chere?" He simply asked while trying extremely hard to restrain himself from kissing her.

        "Ah'm meeting Jason for lunch." She answered and broke away from his gaze. As soon as she said the word "Jason", Remy dropped her hands.

        "Y're still gonna see him?" He questioned.

        "Ah don't see why not. It's not like anything has changed. Unless.. ya have something t'tell meh." She replied and looked into his eyes once more, searching for some signs of hope.

        Remy remained silent and eventually looked away from her.

        "Ah guess not. Ah'll see ya later." She said and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before heading out.

        "What is wrong wit' me?" He said, feeling more confused than ever.

        ***

*6 weeks later*

        "Are ya going out t'night, Remy?" Rogue asked from the kitchen while preparing to make dinner.

        "Nah. Remy t'inks he's gonna stay home t'night. You chere?" He asked in return while reading the paper in the living room.

        "Nah. Planning a night at home too. Ya want dinner then? Ah'm making parmesan chicken." She asked.

        "Sounds great, chere. Remy'll love some." He replied while still engulfed with the news. This was perhaps the first night in a couple of weeks that he had not had a date. He dated many different women too. There were a few models, a few waitresses, bartenders, and a couple of teachers. He lost interest in most of them pretty fast. The longest he had stuck to seeing the same person was a week. Her name was Lauren and she was an elementary school teacher. Of all the women he had dated, she was the one who had seemed to have the most passion especially for her profession. Yet, Remy lost interest because she simply wasn't Rogue.

        Remy sighed as he turned the pages of the paper. He still couldn't figure out why he wasn't able to commit himself completely to Rogue. He knew that she was the one who he will always come back to, who he will always love like no other. But, there was something that was holding him back and he just didn't know what.

        Rogue placed two chicken breasts on a baking pan. For the past few weeks, she had been seeing Jason on a pretty regular basis. She adored Jason. He was probably the sweetest guy she had ever met. When she told him that she was mutant, he didn't even flinch. He was accepting and understanding. She knew he was falling in love with her and part of her felt bad about it. As much as she liked Jason, she could never love him. How could she ever love another man when her heart doesn't even belong to her anymore? When will Remy realize that he owns her heart and all her love? When will things be right again? She wondered and sighed heavily while placing the chicken into the oven.

        She emerged from the kitchen with two plates of Parmesan chicken within thirty minutes.

        "Time t'eat, sugah!" She called as she placed the dishes on the dining table.

        Remy put his paper down and went to join her at the table. "Smells good, chere."

        "Thanks." She replied and sat down to eat.

        Silence filled the room as both concentrated on eating. None of them really knew what to say each other anymore. They both were so unsure of each other's feelings and were so scared that if the wrong thing was said, they would lose any chance of things being right again.

        Finally, Rogue asked, "How have ya been lately, sugah?"

        Remy glanced up at her from his food, surprised that she spoke. "Remy's been good, and how have y'been ma cherie? Remy hardly see you around anymore." He said with a tone of bitterness on the last sentence.

        "Ah've been good too. And maybe ya would see meh more if ya were around more often. Ain't me that goes out every night." She commented bitterly as her green eyes started to glow with anger.

        "Right, it's Remy dat's not home. Try again, chere. Y're the one dat spends all her time with Jason." He snapped back as his red eyes started to burn with anger.

        "At least Jason's a good guy and Ah ain't spreading myself out thin, like ya!" She said and slammed her fork down. Suddenly, she wasn't hungry anymore.

        "Look, it was your idea t'break up! NOT MINE!" He cried as he slammed his fork down too.

        "Well, if ya weren't so goddamn unsure of y'feelings, maybe we would be t'gether right now!" She snapped back as all her anger was finally released.

        "What do y'want from me, chere? Just tell me, because dis Cajun ain't got a clue. Y'could never be happy wit de way t'ings are! Ya always have t'make it complicated!" He stated as words he had wanted to say since the night they broke up, spilled out of his mouth.

        "How can Ah possibly be happy wit' the way things are? Tell me, how! What did we possibly have b'fore that could have kept me happy, Remy? What did we have? All we had was some great sex! That was it. Ah refuse to be your whore forever!" She cried as angry tears formed in her eyes.

        "My whore? Is dat what you t'ought you were t'me? Are y'kidding me? Don't y'fucking know how much I love you by now?" He exclaimed with disbelief.

        "Love me? Y'sure have a funny way of showin' it Remy! Kissing other girls mean ya love me?" She snapped back as tears started flowing down her cheeks.

        "We are not talking about dat again! Dat was not'ing! Remy explained it, y're just too damn stubborn to realize it. When will you just accept my love, Rogue? When?" He stated as his eyes soften a tad when he saw her crying.

        "What love, Remy? What love are ya giving me? Enlighten me here! Ya claim ya love me, ya claim ya don't want anyone else, but yet you're still unwilling to let me in on y'life! Ya push me to the side and keep me in the dark about who you really are! What love is that, Remy? Ya so scared that Ah won't love you for all your faults. Ya keep me at this distance and refuse t'show me who you really are. T'let me learn who ya really are. When will ya realize that Ah love ya unconditionally? When will ya stop being so scared of letting someone share y'life with ya?" She cried.

        "Don't start dis psychoanalysis bullshit on me!" He snapped back as his eyes burned with anger again.

        "Ah ain't starting anything. Ah'm only stating the truth." She replied bitterly as her green eyes glowed with pain and determination.

        "Fine, y'wanna talk de truth, Rogue? We will den! All y'life y've been so goddamn scared about letting anyone get close t'you. You blamed it on your powers, but look at y'now! You can finally touch. Somet'ing dat y'wanted all your life and you still shut people out! You still refuse to let anyone get close to you. Remy's de one be afraid?? T'ink again, chere! It's you! You're so scared about getting hurt dat y'still refuse to let anyone t'be dere for you, t'love you. When will y'stop shutting people out and be trustin' t'let dem in your life? When?" He cried as angry tears started to form in his eyes.

        Rogue's face softened at his words. Her anger was replaced with sadness. She knew he was speaking the truth. "Why? So ya could come into mah life, claim y'love me, then leave me again? There's just so much leaving Ah can take, Remy. The next time ya leave me again, Ah know ah won't be able to survive. Ah can't bear the idea of losing ya."

        "Dis time, chere. It's you dat left me." He responded as he felt his anger turn into despair.

        "What was ah supposed t'do, Rem? If ah didn't leave ya, it would have been a matter of time before ya left me. Ya still think there is something or someone out there that is better than us. It was only a matter of time before ya left. Ah can't take that Remy, ah just can't."

        "Rogue, I already found what de better t'ing was, but y'ripped it away from me. Y'took away de only time I found peace and redemption." He replied as tears began to fall. He finally realized why he couldn't commit himself to Rogue. He still couldn't forgive her for what she had done.

 

 

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