Commitment-Phobia
5. ~ Two weeks later ~
Rogue was walking home at
perhaps the slowest pace she could. The past couple of weeks, she had been
trying hard to avoid Remy. Since that night of their "break-up", she
hasn't been able to face him or have a real conversation with him. Sure they
kept up small talk but both them couldn't seem to hold a real conversation out
of fear that somehow the situation could get worse.
Like that could ever happen,
she thought. It wasn't bad enough that I had let him go so he can go and search
his heart out for whatever that was waiting for him, but he wasn't even making
the slightest effort to go discover what was the path that awaits him. Instead,
he sits at home as a reminder to the supposed "foolish" thing I've
done. He's trying to pin this "break-up" on me and he's just waiting
for me to come crawling back to him. Rogue thought as her anger began to rise.
Well, I refuse to ever do that.
I don't plan to take him back until he has crawled to the end of this earth and
looked in every corner for his "something better". As stubborn as
that Cajun is, I am twice as stubborn. I refuse to be together with a man who
does not want to be in the relationship completely. We've been through too much
drama for that and I refuse to go through any more. And if that Cajun doesn't
like, well to darn bad! With the end of that thought, Rogue sped up her pace as
if she had a mission to attend to.
* * *
Remy Lebeau was dressed in an
apron stirring a pot of gumbo. He tasted his latest concoction, thought it
needed more cayenne and added just a pinch more in. He took off his apron and
headed to the couch. He turned on the television and channel surfed for about
ten minutes before turning it off. His mind then wandered to the predicament he
faced two weeks ago.
The past two weeks had been
torture for him. There were so many nights he just wanted to leave the guest
bedroom and go join Rogue in the master bedroom, where he felt he rightfully
belonged. He missed her and he couldn't believe that they were once again not
together. It had seemed so right this time and it felt like they were finally
on the right track to happiness. It took one night to end it all. Perhaps what
angered him the most was the fact that Rogue was right. Everything she had said
about him needing to keep looking and having the opportunity to go discover was
exactly what he needed as much as he hated to admit it.
Remy really wished things could
go back to way it were; being so carefree and in love. Now, everything has
become immensely complicated and he couldn't even hold a decent conversation
with the woman he loves. As much as he wanted things to go right, he knew that
it couldn't until he attempts to find out what is holding him back from giving
one hundred percent of himself to the relationship he wants so badly with
Rogue.
The problem is that he didn't even know where to begin his so-called quest. It
just felt so wrong to be seeing other people while he was still in love with
Rogue. It didn't seem fair to him that he would put her through more pain than
he already has. This was why he had refused to change his pattern for the past
couple of weeks and why he spent every night since then at home and with her
even with the awkwardness.
"Dammit, dis is so fucking
hard."
***
Rogue had just emerged from the
bathroom all clean and fresh. When she arrived home, Remy and her had barely
exchanged two words with each other before she headed for the shower. She knew
what she had to do though, and it pained her to do it but she was determined to
do it without shedding a single tear.
"Chere, y'wanna eat
now?" Remy asked her as he got two bowls out.
"Ah wanna eat, but ah
don't wanna eat wit ya." She replied buntly.
Remy gave her a confused look
and asked, "Well, does dat mean you're going out t'eat?"
"No, it means that you're
going out t'eat, sugah." She answered firmly.
"Umm, chere, if you didn't
notice Remy already made dinner. He ain't got no plans t'go out and eat." He
stated simply still confused with her comment.
"Not if ah have any say. Remy,
we've been dodging this whole situation for the past couple of weeks and ah'm
sick of it. Ah know it might have been harder said than done, but ah want ya
t'go out and go find the thing that is calling you. Ah don't care if it's
another woman, ah don't care if it's a thing, ah don't care if it hurts meh. Ah'd
let you go to allow you to go find the path that is meant for ya and ya better
go damn well find it. Ah refuse to let this linger on for any longer. It'll
just screw us up in the long run!" Rogue exclaimed quickly.
He stood there looking at her,
still processing what she had just said. Part of him was angry at the fact that
she would just bluntly order him out to go see if there is something better
than her, but the other part of him was grateful for the fact that she was
willing to be so open-minded about it and basically permitting him to go do the
one thing he was not sure he should do.
"Chere, Remy appreciates
it and all, but I don't wanna go. Simple as that." Remy replied lightly.
"Ah don't care if ya don't
wanna go, you're going! Don't make this more difficult than it already
is!" Rogue yelled as her impatience began to get the better side of her. She
had not plan for this situation to be so heated but she realized that somethings
just couldn't be prevented.
"Chere, dat's sweet of you
and all, but Remy just wants to eat his gumbo and stay at home." Remy said
as he started getting amused with her frustration. She's so cute when she's
mad, he thought.
"ARGGH!!!! Why are you
being so goddamn difficult?" Rogue cried as she grabbed her hair out of
frustration.
No longer able to hold it in,
he laughed at her exclamation. She was just so cute when she was angry and not
getting her way, he thought. Rogue saw that he was laughing at her, which just
infuriated her even more.
"FINE! Y'know, ah don't
care if ya don't go out and do what ah KNOW ya want t'do, but ah'm not going to
sit at home and let you remind me that breaking up with ya could be possibly
the dumbest thing ah could've done! In my heart, ah know it was right and you
know it too! So can't ya just fucking go out there and look then realize that
nothing is better than this so we can be together again?!?!?!" Rogue
screamed as tears of anger, frustration, and pain started to run down her
cheeks.
Remy finally realized the pain
she was going through, and how it was important that he go and do what he knows
he must. She still expected and had faith in the fact that one day they will be
together again, and that maybe when it happens, it will actually last. This
made him feel like crap. Here was the woman he loves, standing before him in
tears and giving him perhaps the greatest gift and for her the hardest thing to
give; his freedom. He realized that he was scared as hell at this very moment.
"I'm scared." He
stated simply and honestly.
Rogue's face softened as the
words that her love spoke was sinking in. He was afraid that he might actually
find someone that he needed and loved more than her, and that very thought had
been on her mind ever since that night he kissed another girl. She always knew
that was a possibility and was fearful that it might come true, but she had no
idea that he had the same fear. She walked over to him and wrapped her arms
around him.
"Sugah, ah know you're
scared that ya might actually find something more worthwhile than us, and hell,
ah'd be lying if ah said that ah didn't run that possibility through my head a
thousand times already, but as much as we're both afraid, we know that this is
somethin' that y'must do, and maybe ah should to. If our journey leads us back
t'each other than it would be all worth in the end because there will be no
doubt whatsoever that our love is real." She calmly said.
"What if de other thing
happens?" He asked quietly as he secured his arms around her tighter for
fear that it may be the last time they'll be this close.
Rogue pondered that question
before finally responding, "If that happens, then we'll be happy for each
other because we will know that we had something beautiful and we'll always be
there for each other. Nothing will ever change that, okay? We will remain close
friends no matter what, because ah refuse to ever let ya leave my life again. Promise
me, we will always be there for each other, no matter the circumstances, Remy,
promise me."
He looked down at her
glistening green eyes, and replied simply, "I promise."
"Good. How about ya go out
there and do what ya need t'do?" Rogue said as she unlocked her hold on
him and stepped away from him.
"How about Remy does dat
tomorrow? He feels too good at de moment. Rogue, y'do realize dis is the first
time we've had a real conversation in two weeks, right?" Remy said with a
warm smile.
"Ah know, cajun, it's been
too damn long." Rogue replied as she smiled back.
"How about t'night, you
and me, will go watch a movie, as friends? Whaddaya say?" Remy proposed.
"Fine, as friends. But
tomorrow ya better go do what ya said ya will." Rogue answered.
"Fine fine fine. We worry
about dat tomorrow. Now, let's go watch dat movie."