Commitment-Phobia
3. Rogue laid on the couch and
just ran over again in her head of what just happened. Okay, everything was
going great, he said he loved me, he said he didn't want anyone else but me, I
asked about marriage, and he runs out to buy milk!?!? This is just too
confusing, she thought.
She got up off the couch, and went to finish her gumbo. As she was eating, she
started to analyze the situation in her head again. Why didn't he just answer
me? Even if he said, not yet, or whatever, I would have understood. In a way,
maybe marriage isn't the most convenient thing right now, but I just wanted to
show him that I'm ready to give myself to him one hundred percent. I guess I
asked just to know that he felt the same way.
She finished off her bowl, and went to dump in the sink to wash. As she was
scrubbing all the dishes piled up in the sink, her mind continued to question
about how everything just did a whole 180 degrees on her.
Fine, maybe he isn't ready to tell me that, but at least he could have just
told me the truth. Bejeezus, just because I mention some small little thing
like marriage, he gets up and runs out of her as fast as he can. What's the big
fat deal anyhow? He claims he loves me, he said he doesn't want to be with
anyone else but me from now on, so what difference would marriage make? Things
will just remain the same whether or not we got married. Why the hell did that
Cajun run out and claim he needed milk? That's the lamest excuse ever. He
better come back with milk, or I'll skin him alive. I bet there's milk in the
fridge, if there is milk in the fridge, I'm going to definitely kill him once
he gets home. She thought angrily as she stomped over the fridge to see if
there was actually milk.
As she grabbed the handle of the refrigerator door, she looked at the pictures
of her and Remy on the door held there by magnets. There was one with both of
them on the beach, cuddling. Another one of her running after him, for taking a
picture of her after he poured a bucket of water on her as she trying to get a
good tan on her back. Then, there was the picture of them, just sitting on the
porch on their first night in their new home. Rogue let go of the handle, and
took that picture of them off the refrigerator. She just stared at it,
realizing how that night was so carefree and simple. They hardly said much that
night, she remembered. They both realized that there wasn't much to be said
simply because it was just enough being with each other and knowing that the
love they both felt was there.
Dammit, Rogue, you sure screwed up this time. You knew he loved you, why did u
have to ask that god awful question? Getting to this point in the relationship
with Remy had always been out of reach, and to come this far, just to screw it
up with one stupid question, is the dumbest thing you could have ever done. Her
head yelled at her. You know he wasn't ready for something like that, and hell
did you caught him offguard. She continued to reprimand herself in her head.
Finally after a few minutes of nagging herself of what a stupid thing she did,
she got up, put the picture back on the fridge, and walked out the door.
She was going to find her man, tell him everything was okay, and just work out
this little mishap.
***
A very nervous man, was walking along the boardwalk, just muttering phrases of
French to himself. Most people who saw him, just kind of moved a little over to
their left or right, to keep out of way of this obviously emotionally confused
man.
"Dammit, Lebeau, qu'est-ce que tu as faite? Tu est tres un stupide
homme." He muttered to himself, still cursing himself for the dumbest
thing he could have ever done, a few minutes back.
After walking for ten minutes, he finally decided to sit down and sort it all
through in his head of what just happened.
Okay, things were going great, I was kissing Rogue, she said she loved me, I
told her I didn't want anyone but her, then she asked me to get married. He
thought, as he went over the details leading up to that question. After that, I
told her I needed to get milk?!?!? Mon dieu, what was I thinking? He thought as
he smacked his forehead.
She's going to kill me, when I get home. He thought, as beads of sweat starting
formulating at his forehead. There has to be a way out of this, but what? He
questioned. I could tell her I want to get married, but I don't. Why the hell
not though? His mind practically yelled at him.
Remy finally realized why. It wasn't the fact that he didn't love Rogue, he
knew he loved her with all his heart. He also meant it when he said he didn't'
ever want to be with anyone but her, from now on. Still, a part of him realized
that as soon as they walk down that aisle, he would have to give up his entire
freedom. From the moment, they say, "I do", he will have a moral
obligation to her for the rest of his life. That was a whole lot of pressure
and responsibility to put on someone, he thought.
Then, as soon as the honeymoon is over, there will always be the need to tell
her everywhere he goes, and where he's been, and what he's going to do. He
realized that he'll never be able to just get some time to himself, especially
after they start having kids.
Kids will definitely mean he has to settle down for good, he thought. Then, all
the headaches will come from dealing with the rambunctious kids, and a stressed
out Rogue. There will never be any free time to himself. He'll no longer be
able to just get up and leave whenever he wanted, and that's how he lived all
his life. He was practically a nomad, and he loved it. He loved being able to
just get up one day, hop on his bike, and drive off looking for a new
adventure. This was who he was.
The more he thought about it, the emotions he felt began to change. Remy
started becoming angy at the fact that Rogue was asking him to give up who he
is. How dare she asks me to give up my freedom? He thought angrily. If she
loved me, she wouldn't have asked this of me.
Remy Lebeau stood up with a new determination. He was going to go home, and
tell her that it was wrong of her to suggest marriage, and asking him to give
his freedom up. As he began to walk in the direction of the house, he realized
that maybe he'll have a better chance to speak when she sees a box of milk in
his hand, not to mention, he'll be a lot safer.
He quickly turn around and walked to the nearest corner store.
***
Remy was standing in front of the dairy product area of the store. He reached
for the whole milk, which he usually drinks, but then changed it to skim milk
which Rogue drinks. He grabs the skim milk and head for the counter to pay for
it.
You're so whipped, man, you're not even buying the milk you want to drink. What
a way to give up the freedom, his mind taunted him. Suddenly, he turned around
and headed back to the dairy area. He put back the skim milk, and grabbed the
whole milk.
"'Dere! I will drink de milk I want, and if Rogue doesn't like it, well
too darn bad." He said defiantly to himself, as he approached the cash
register.
"Hiya Handsome, who you talking to?"
Remy was so concentrated on his little victory of choosing his milk, that he
neglected to even look at the cashier. He looked up and saw a young pretty
blonde, with blue eyes, staring at him with an amused look on her face.
"Nobody particularly chere, but if you're offering, I would love to take
you up on that." He replied as he naturally found himself putting on the
charm.
The girl blushed and replied, "Sure, I never pass up a chance to talk to a
handsome fellow like you. So, explain to me why after living here for 21 years,
I've never seen you around, and baby, a face like yours is very hard to
forget." As she said that, she leaned forward showing her cleavage, and
brought a hand to his cheek, gave it a little stroke, indicating an invitation
to something more, if he was willing.
At this point, Remy knew he should stop flirting with the girl. The sensible side
of him was telling him to just ignore the girl, pay for the milk, and head home
to his Rogue. However, the other side of his head kept taunting him. It kept
pushing his buttons on what a wimp he was, and maybe he was so whipped that he
won't even dare to give the girl a kiss. Maybe he had given up his freedom long
ago, without even realizing it. That last thought was what finally made him do
the foolish thing he was about to do.
Remy took the girls chin with his right hand, looked her straight in the eyes
with his hypnotic ones, and said, "Well, chere, I'll give you something
even harder to forget." He leaned in and kissed her.
Suddenly, a gasp was heard from the entrance of the store. Remy broke away from
the girl, and turned to see who had just witnessed it.
Standing there with tears in her eyes, and her mouth wide open in shock, was
Rogue.
~~~~