аBy Ludi
Note:- Since some people
wanted to know what the whole Destiny saga was about I decided to add this fic
in, which explains things a bit.а
Basically, after Destiny died, she discovered she was an X-Ternal, and
managed to extricate herself from Time.а
For some reason sheТs interested in seven mutants Ц old Charlie Xavier,
Jean Grey, Bishop, Rogue, Gambit, Cable and Havok.а But thatТs something I havenТt written about yetЕ
For those of you who want
to know what happened to make Rems so mad in СRogue PsychologyТ, the guy got
dumped.а Several times.а Plus he had a really (and I mean really)
horrible revelation.а Poor Remy.а I guess I could post up the whole precursor
to СRogue PsychologyТ but itТs unfinished yet.а
Maybe IТll finish it if you guys want it.а And as to the conclusion of СRogue PsychologyТ, well itТs too
damn X-rated (no pun intended), so if you do want to read that kinda stuff,
IТll probably post it somewhere else.
Rant over, enjoy the fic! J
а
**************************
а
ааааааааааа Gambit had returned.
ааааааааааа Brought in by X-Trinsic, the X-MenТs interim,
time-jaunting, space-travelling team of mutants, leaning heavily on HavokТs
shoulder, Ororo thought that he seemed worse for wear physically, yet as bright
and perky as ever on the outside, despite what injuries he had sustained.а It was with relief that she went to greet
him, putting her arms round the Cajun thief and hugging him with genuine
warmth.
ааааааааааа УRemy!Ф
ааааааааааа УCareful, Stormy,Ф he grinned, knowing that he was annoying
her with his use of that infernal pet name of his, but knowing heТd get away
with it Ц as he always did. УDis tТiefТs still got a few broken bones from his
latest escapade.Ф
ааааааааааа She pulled back, loosening her grasp. УIt is good to
see you again, my friend,Ф she smiled at him affectionately. УHowever grievous
your wounds are.а I cannot tell you how
much it gladdens my heart to see how alive and well.Ф
ааааааааааа УLikewise Ц although I dunno Сbout de well part,Ф he
grunted.
ааааааааааа УWhere was he?Ф she asked, turning to Bishop.
ааааааааааа УThatТs just the thing Ц we donТt know exactly,Ф Bishop
replied grimly. УSomewhere in the Timestream, in a place that seemed separate
from the temporal whole Ц another mini-nexus, to be exact.Ф
ааааааааааа УLike the Otherworld and the Starlight Citadel?Ф Ororo
replied, frowning.
ааааааааааа УWe can only assume so,Ф the larger man answered.
ааааааааааа УBut surely Roma had nothing to do with thisЕФ Ororo
spoke, confused, but Havok interrupted her.
ааааааааааа УNo, Roma had nothing to do with it.а Which leaves only one other person Ц
Destiny.а SheТs the only other being who
could exert such control over the Timestream.Ф He paused, glowering darkly.
УItТs all turning out as I knew it would.а
I thought here and now IТd have a chance to stop Destiny in her tracks,
but stillЕnow IТm not so sure.Ф
ааааааааааа УFine, fine,Ф Gambit interrupted irritably. УBut what
de fuck Destiny want witТ me?Ф
ааааааааааа УDon't you know?Ф Ororo asked him.
ааааааааа ааУShit, СRo, if
only I did,Ф he sighed. УAll she kept on askinТ me was whether I wanted to help
her.а It took all de will I could muster
to shake her off.а Seems dat Irene can
be veryЕpersuasive.Ф He stopped, his expression darkening. УDat woman played witТ
my mind big time, but she gave me no clue as tТ why she be wantinТ my so-called
help.а I guess she figured she could
control my mind instead.Ф
ааааааааааа УYeah, but what makes you so important?Ф Boom-Boom
spoke up, arms crossed. УFar as I know, all youТre good for is leapinТ about
and getting laid.Ф
ааааааааааа Gambit only grinned over at her charmingly. УDat an
invite, Tabitha?Ф
ааааааааааа УGo screw yerself, gumbo!Ф she scowled at him, showing
him the finger.а All right, Ororo
thought humorously Ц no love lost there.
ааааааааааа УWell, whatever the truth of the matter, this will have
to be brought to the ProfessorТs attention,Ф she began instead. УHe, Sage and
Cypher are the only oneТs that have any tangible information on Destiny Ц apart
from yourself, of course, Alex.а Maybe
they might be able to shed some light on the matter.Ф
ааааааааааа УWhere is the Professor?Ф Bishop asked.
ааааааааааа УHe and Scott have taken Jean to Muir Island for
treatment,Ф Ororo replied. УBut theyТre scheduled to return this afternoon.Ф
ааааааааааа УJeanТs still having trouble with the Phoenix Force?Ф
Havok suddenly spoke up, the concern showing deep in his voice.
ааааааааааа УYes,Ф Ororo nodded. УWeТre doing the best we can for
her, but nothing seems to be working so far.а
Both Emma Frost and Fontanelle attempted a mind scrape, but were
mentally forced out.а Charles though a
gentler approach with Moira might work, but it seems thereТs been no progress
there either.Ф
ааааааааааа УSounds like IТve been missinТ out on all de fun,Ф
Gambit commented wryly, but there was no humour in his voice.
ааааааааааа УThere is a lot we must discuss,Ф Ororo nodded slowly,
УBoth troubling and light-hearted.Ф She broke into a smile. УIt is good to have
you back, Remy.Ф
ааааааааааа УI tell you one tТing, СRo,Ф he replied solemnly, УItТs
good tТ be back.Ф
а
ааааааааааа Gambit was immediately taken to the infirmary to be
patched up by the Beast, while Storm brought X-Trinsic up to date. аIt had been a long while since she had seen
Bishop and the others Ц almost as long as the time since she had last seen
Gambit.а Being of a transitory nature,
and due to their far-flung missions, X-Trinsic did not often keep direct
contact with the core team of X-Men based at the Westchester Mansion.а Yet, ironically, it was their work that was
the most valuable.а Their mission was to
tackle DestinyТs growing hold over the Timestream, and to protect other worlds
Ц as well as the Otherworld where Roma ruled and guarded all of Time Ц from
DestinyТs influence.а As it turned out,
it was more of a briefing for Storm than it was for X-Trinsic, and it was a
while before the meeting was over.а An
hour later, she was free to check up on her old friend, Gambit, and not without
a sense of trepidation.
ааааааааааа He was still in the infirmary resting, but looking more
harassed for it.а Remy had never been
one for staying in bed, being made a fuss of, or pleading illness.а Now, confined to bed by the Beast until his
wounds were on the mend, he looked like a caged animal.а Storm had to consciously stop herself from
laughing as she saw him lying in bed with a look of chagrin on his face,
reading a dirty magazine with one leg sticking out from under the covers.а As he saw Storm entering he threw her a
winning smile, quickly tucking the magazine under his pillow but not before she
had seen it.
ааааааааааа УStormy!а And to
what do I owe de pleasure?Ф
ааааааааааа She thought Ц or detected rather Ц that he actually
looked rather disappointed that it was she who had come to visit him.а At least just a little.
ааааааааааа УCanТt a friend check up on an ill one?Ф she smiled.
ааааааааааа УNot ill, Stormy,Ф he shook his head. УBruises and
broken ribs, tТ be exact.а But dere you
go.а Looks like dis good-for-nothinТ
X-Man be bedridden.Ф He sighed dramatically.
ааааааааааа УYou could be worse off,Ф she commented dryly, pulling
the magazine out from under the pillow to peruse the front cover. УPenthouse?Ф
She raised an eyebrow at him.
ааааааааааа УRogue would be mad, non?Ф he half-joked, but Storm
easily caught his undertone.
ааааааааааа УMaybe,Ф she answered evasively, putting the magazine
onto his lap, knowing what was going to come next.
ааааааааааа УWhere is she, Stormy?Ф he asked, his voice suddenly
without mirth. УPracticТly everyone else who cares has been up here.а She on a mission?Ф
ааааааааааа УNo,Ф Storm replied shortly, hearing the current of
longing in his tone.а She had known it
would fall to her to explain to him what she now so dreaded Ц that Rogue was
now with Joseph, otherwise known as the Chronotrigger, a man whose status as
friend or foe had never quite been resolved.а
It had been no secret that Rogue and Gambit had been passionately
in-love, and for all intents and purposes probably still were.а Storm though, was the only person who knew
exactly how deep their love Ц and their relationship Ц had run.а Remy had never made those feelings known to
anyone in so many words, but Ororo had known him well enough to know that he
loved the woman more than he cared to admit.а
And as for Rogue Ц well, Rogue had needed someone to confide in, and
Storm had been there for her.
ааааааааааа It was a complicated matter.а During the very same mission that Gambit had been abducted by
Destiny, RogueТs powers had been forcibly Сshut-offТ by the Savants.а It was an event that had severely traumatized
Rogue, who had been unable to control the sudden surge of psyches that had
began to bubble to the surface of her mind.а
It was a time when, understandably, she had needed Remy more than at any
other.а But he had not been there for
her, and she had had to face her ordeal alone.
ааааааааааа It was Ororo that had taken his place, comforting Rogue
even though she knew she could not, and eventually listening to all RogueТs
heartfelt outpourings.а For the first
time Storm had come to realize just how much Remy had meant to Rogue, and of
what they had shared.а Rogue had loved,
needed, depended on him.а His absence
had wounded her more than the loss of the powers and her inability to control
the ghosts in her head.а In a tragic
twist of fate, it had been Joseph, the X-MenТs enemy, who had come to RogueТs
aid, nursing her, nurturing her, restoring her to both physical and mental
strength.а Ororo had not doubted that
Joseph loved Rogue, and that his intentions had been noble.а But it had been too late before she had
noticed the colour on RogueТs cheeks when Joseph came to visit her, the smiles,
the laughter, the way she looked at him.а
She had witnessed RogueТs growing affection for the man that had aided
her, and she had been unable to stop it.а
Even if she had wanted to do so, even if she had taken her dear friend
RemyТs feelings into account, she would not have stopped the budding
relationship.а It was clear to her that
Rogue needed and cared for Joseph, and that Joseph truly loved Rogue.
ааааааааааа And now, as she sat here with Remy, Storm felt the
guilt she had known to be inevitable course through her.а She was caught between two dear friends, and
could not resolve either loyalty.а The
only logical thing would be to tell Remy the truth.а She could do no more.а The
two of them were adults.а Unfortunate as
it was, they would have to sort it out themselves.
ааааааааааа Yet still she hesitated.а Remy saw her look, and even in that moment something cold fell
over him.
ааааааааааа УТRo, has somethinТ happened to Rogue?Ф he asked,
sudden concern in his voice.
ааааааааааа УIn a manner of speaking,Ф Ororo began slowly.
ааааааааааа УMerde! СRo, you gotta tell me!Ф
ааааааааааа УRemy, itТs not what youТre thinking.а Not at all.Ф She paused. УRogueЕhas lost her
powers.а She lost them in the same
battle that you disappeared in.а She
wasЕvery traumatized.Ф
ааааааааааа УMon Dieu, Storm, is she okay?Ф
ааааааааааа УShe isЕfine, Remy.Ф
ааааааааааа УTТank de Lord!Ф he exclaimed in relief. УI tТought you
were gonna say she was dyinТ or somethinТ.Ф
ааааааааааа УRemy,Ф Storm began again morosely. УThereТs something
I have to tell you.а ItТs important.Ф
ааааааааааа He caught the seriousness of her tone, and once more
the colour drained from his face.а But
when next he spoke, he was quiet.
ааааааааааа УWhat is it?Ф
ааааааааааа УRogueЕShe is in aЕrelationship with someone.а Someone who helped her when she was terribly
wounded.а He helped bring her back to
her normal self.Ф She halted, seeing the spirit go out of his expression.
УRemy,Ф she began again urgently, Уplease don't be angry.а IТm not asking this for my benefit, but for
RogueТs.а She isЕshe is happy,
Remy.а Please donТt spoil things for
her, I beg you.а It would not take a lot
to injure her again.Ф
ааааааааааа He was silent for a moment, looking down into his lap.
ааааааааааа УI shouldnТ have come back,Ф he murmured at last.
ааааааааааа УNo!Ф Ororo reached out took his hand and squeezed it
tightly. УDonТt speak like that Remy!а
You know we all need you here.а You
are one of us.а You are our friend.а WeЕWe are here for you.Ф
ааааааааааа УIt doesnТt matter,Ф he continued, his voice hard. УNot
without her.а SheТs the only reason I
wouldТve come back.Ф He looked up at her, his red eyes glinting. УDonТt you get
it, СRo?!Ф
ааааааааааа УI understand,Ф she answered sadly. УYou love her.а And what you shared was something special,
believe me.Ф
ааааааааааа He laughed mirthlessly. УSpecial, yeah, right.а Special enough for her to leave me for
another man!Ф
ааааааааааа УIt wasnТt like that!Ф
ааааааааааа He did not answer for a moment, lying back against the
pillows, his eyes dull so that suddenly she was frightened.
ааааааааааа УRemyЕ?Ф
ааааааааааа УТRo,Ф he interrupted, his voice low. УI need to be
alone.а Please, can you go?Ф
ааааааааааа She nodded, getting up.а Why did she feel so guilty?
ааааааааааа УYou know I am here for you,Ф she said, but he did not
reply, did not even look at her.а It was
only when she went for the door and was about to leave that she stopped her.
ааааааааааа УТRo?Ф
ааааааааааа УYes, Remy?Ф
ааааааааааа УTell me who he is.Ф
ааааааааааа She hesitated.а
But she had no choice but to tell him.а
She at least owed him that.
ааааааааааа УJoseph.Ф
ааааааааааа He said nothing more.
ааааааааааа Turning her head away, Storm quietly slid out of the
room.
*
ааааааааааа Rogue was in a quandary.
ааааааааааа It had hardly escaped her notice that Gambit was back
in the mansion, what with all the fuss going on about his kidnap at the hands
of Destiny.а Her dilemma was an obvious one.а If she went to see Gambit she ran the risk
of arguments, rows and painfully needless accusations.а On the other hand if she didnТt go she also
ran the risk of coming across as heartless.а
Gambit was, after all, at the very least a friend, and he had been
injured and in dire need of her sympathy.а
Nevertheless, she decided, it was pointless to rile up any further angst
between them and make his situation worse.
ааааааааааа Still, that did not cure the horrible guilt within
her.а She knew Ц from Ororo Ц that
Gambit had discovered her relationship with Joseph.а She felt entirely responsible for the pain she knew must be
eating him up inside.а Nothing she had
done had been contrived to hurt him.а
Things between her and Joe had simply happened, a natural progression of
their mutual feelings for one another.а
She had not consciously meant for it to happen.а Remy had simply not been there for her.а If he had been, things would perhaps have
turned out differently for them.
ааааааааааа But she couldnТt just leave him there in the infirmary,
brooding.а Not after everything they had
been through together.
ааааааааааа The obvious solution was to visit him when he wouldnТt
be awake.а Cowardly, she knew, but also
practical.а The last thing he needed was
a quarrel with her, especially in his condition.а And so she slipped into the infirmary at midnight, wary.а She knew Remy was a late-nighter, even if he
was bedridden.а Most likely he would be
up playing cards Ц solitaire.а She felt
a strange twinge of guilt inside her.а
How appropriate.
ааааааааааа Softly she tapped on the door, not wanting to go inside
unless she knew Remy was asleep.а After
a moment the Beast opened the door, looking tired from his late-night
endeavours, but his usual jovial self.
ааааааааааа УRogue!Ф he grinned; then the smile dropped. УHere to
see the patient?Ф
ааааааааааа УIs heЕasleep?Ф she asked quietly, placing herself
discreetly just out of the doorframe Ц just incase he did happen to be awake.
ааааааааааа УSleeping like the proverbial baby,Ф Hank smiled. УWhen
babies are sleeping, that is.а He put up
a fight though, when I said it was lights out for him.а I really donТt think he wants to recover.Ф
ааааааааааа She frowned, feeling somehow responsible.а Hank saw the look and held the door open
wider for her. УWonТt you come in?Ф
ааааааааааа Rogue slid into the room without a word, her heart
suddenly racing.а Remy was in the
furthest bed, his face clouded, troubled in sleep.а A breathlessness took her Ц she was not able to help it.а The last time she had seen him sleeping, she
had touched his face and kissed it, not wanting to let goЕShe clasped her fists
tight, swallowed, went to the bedside suddenly quivering within.а That face, and suddenly everything seemed to
upheave itself of its own accord, and nothing was simple anymore.а Gently she reached out to touch his cheek,
but her resolve faltered; instead her hand dropped to the covers and remained
there.
ааааааааааа УHow is he?Ф she asked at last in a whisper.
ааааааааааа УNot as bad as you might think,Ф Hank replied in an
undertone. УOur cajun friend heals quickly Ц part of the constant ambient
bio-kinetic aura he generates, I suspect.а
I was planning to discharge him tomorrow, as a matter of fact.Ф
ааааааааааа УHeТll be glad of that,Ф she half-smiled.
ааааааааааа УThat he will,Ф Hank grinned.
ааааааааааа Rogue sighed, finally finding the courage to reach out
and smooth the back of her hand against his cheek, recalling the shape of that
roughly hewn face, the texture of his skin and the stubble on his cheek, his
warmth.а Suddenly afraid she drew her
hand away, taking in a deep breath and exhaling shakily.а She couldnТt do this to herself.а Not here, not now.а Forcing a smile onto her face she took a step back from the bed,
looked back at Hank.
ааааааааааа УAh should be gettinТ backЕJoeТll be wonderinТ where
ahТve got to.Ф
ааааааааааа There was a sympathetic expression on HankТs face as he
returned her look.
ааааааааааа УHe probably will.Ф
аа аааааааааRogue smiled
again, edged herself away from the bed, walked quickly towards the door,
stopped when she got to it.
ааааааааааа УThanks for lettinТ me take a look in, Hank.Ф
ааааааааааа УMy pleasure, Rogue.Ф
ааааааааааа She turned, then thought better of it.
ааааааааааа УOh, anТ Hank?Ф
ааааааааааа УYes, my dear?Ф
ааааааааааа УCould youЕDo you think, when he wakesЕCould you please
tell him that ah came by?Ф
ааааааааааа УIТll do that,Ф he nodded.
ааааааааа ааУThanks.Ф
ааааааааааа Taking one last look at the sleeping patient, she
quietly pulled the door to and left.
*
ааааааааааа УSorry, docteur, by I ainТt stayinТ another day in dis
place!а JusТ lookinТ at dese white walls
gives me de heebie-jeebies!Ф
а ааааааааааHank sighed at
the indignant form of Gambit, somehow fully costumed again, hemmed in by the
side of the bed looking like a caged animal.
ааааааааааа УGambit.а Listen
to me.а This is not a good idea.а I admit Ц I was going to discharge you
today.а But taking into consideration
recent Ц uh Ц developments, I think it wise that you spend a couple more days
resting.Ф
ааааааааааа УUh-uh, no way!Ф Remy insisted, his expression hunted.
УDis cajunТs fine now, fit as de fiddle!а
He wants to rest, he can rest in his own room, in his own bed, anТ not
in dis asylum.а СSides, I have business
to Сtend to.Ф
ааааааааааа УThat is precisely what worries me, my friend,Ф Hank
replied, crossing his arms firmly. УAnd I tell you now that going to see Rogue
is not a good idea.а At least let it
wait a few days until youТve had the chance to calm down.Ф
ааааааааааа УWho said anything about Rogue?Ф Remy answered hotly.
ааааааааааа У СAnd Love did not deem it enough that she was hidden
in the recesses of two noble hearts: for she meant to show her power in their
facesТ,Ф Hank quoted with a sigh. УTristan and Isolde.а You didnТt have to mention her, Remy.а SheТs written all over you.Ф
ааааааааааа УSave your sentimental quotes, Beast,Ф Remy replied,
jabbing the doctor in the chest with a forefinger. УI ainТt dis Tristan loser,
anТ I donТ care Сbout him, or his girlfriend.а
Only tТing dat matters to me right now is Rogue.а So what if I wanna talk to her?Ф
ааааааааааа УGambit,Ф Hank replied patiently, УNow is not a good
time to talk to Rogue.а YouТll only end
up hurting the girl, not to mention yourself.а
YouТre behaving like a spoiled child.а
IТm beginning to regret that I even mentioned her visiting you.Ф
ааааааааааа There was a dangerous gleam in GambitТs eyes as he met
HankТs gaze.
ааааааааааа УAre you gonna let me pass or not?Ф
ааааааааааа Hank sighed again, throwing up his hands theatrically.
ааааааааааа УFine, fine!а
Just donТt blame me for the inevitable tragedy you shall have on your
hands!Ф
ааааааааааа He stepped aside, and Remy swept past him, eyes
flashing.
ааааааааааа УYou donТ need to worry Сbout dat, Beast,Ф he muttered
darkly. УI know exactly who IТm gonna blameЕФ
а
ааааааааааа Remy strode through the corridors of the mansion, a
grim look of determination on his face.а
He did not know what it was that he walked to Ц neither did he particularly
care.а The sense of injustice within had
flooded him, blinded him, drowned him.а
His rage was as intense as his love for Rogue.а Neither would be freed until he spoke to her, until he understood
why she had done what she had done to him.а
He could not believe that she could have so quickly forgotten about him,
set aside what they had shared and run into the arms of another man.а The fact that she had visited him the night
before showed that she had had some form of conscience, perhaps even some sort
of regret.а And if that were so then
perhaps he might be able to win her backЕ
ааааааааааа He shook his
head, hating himself for knowing the truth.а
He would not be able to.а He had
always known she could not trust him, could never fully give herself to him
because of his past.а He did not deserve
her, he never had.а And he had not been
there for her when she needed him most.а
It had not been his fault.а But
the damage had already been done.а That
fact he could cope with.а That, he could
understand.а But to hook up with Joseph,
the SavantТs Chronotrigger, their enemyЕThat was the greatest betrayal.а That was something he could not forgive.
ааааааааааа Remy stopped outside the room he knew Rogue and Joseph
were sharing.а For a moment he paused,
unable to bring himself to enter, wanting to retch.а But the anger surged up within him again, forcing away his
doubt.а Raising a fist he pounded on the
door, before crashing in, not even waiting for an answer.
ааааааааааа He almost ran headlong into Joseph, whoТd obviously
been going to open the door.а The two
men stopped, inches from one another.а
JosephТs face was shocked, yet knowing; quiet, wary.а Remy glared at him, the rage flaring up in
him, his fists twitching.а No good, he
thought to himself, consciously forcing his arms to remain by his side.а He wouldnТt give the man the satisfaction of
knocking his bloody daylights out.а Not
yet anyway.
ааааааааааа УWhereТs Rogue?Ф he growled, scanning the otherwise
empty room.
ааааааааааа УSheТs not here,Ф Joseph replied evenly. УAnd even if
she was she wouldnТt want to speak to you.Ф
ааааааааааа УOh, so youТre speakinТ for de fille now,Ф Remy threw
back at him with a short laugh. УI always thought she was big girl who could
her own decisions.а But never mind.а Since she ainТt here, I guess dat means dat
you anТ I can have a little chat.Ф
ааааааааааа УThereТs nothing for us to talk about,Ф Joseph
glowered.
ааааааааааа УOn de contrary, dereТs plenty,Ф Remy replied, curling
his fingers tight into his palms. УLike why you stole my girl, for instance?Ф
ааааааааааа УI didnТt see you around to make a claim on her,Ф
Joseph replied hotly.
ааааааааааа УDat wasnТ my fault!Ф Remy spat back. У СCase yТ didnТ
know, I was havinТ a fun time beinТ tortured somewhere in de middle of nowhen,
tТinkinТ dat nothinТ could possibly get worse den dat!а Well, looks like I was wrong, doesnТt it,
mon ami!Ф
ааааааааааа УYou think it was my fault that Rogue wanted me?!Ф
ааааааааааа That did it.а
The idea that Rogue had not been forced kicking and screaming into the
relationship was more than he could bear.а
RemyТs fist connected with a sickening crack against JosephТs face,
sending the man reeling back onto the floor, blood oozing freely from his
nose.а Even before Joseph could
recollect his wits Remy was upon him, grasping him by the collar, pulling him
up into a sitting position, shaking him violently.
ааааааааааа УDe fuck you say?!а
Dat RogueТd leave me?!а Of her
own free will?!а Bullshit!Ф
ааааааааааа УItТs the truth,Ф Joseph spluttered, meeting RemyТs
enraged gaze without fear. УWhat, you think I had to force her to sleep with
me?а Brainwash her?а YouТd like that, wouldnТt you?а You think youТre so damned hot that no woman
could ever want anyone but you!а You
just canТt admit that youТve never been able to hold onto anyone youТve loved
for more than one pathetic night!Ф
ааааааааааа The bastard was really asking for it, so Remy hit him
again.а This time Joseph lolled
backward, dazed, but resurfaced, not wanting to give his adversary the satisfaction
of seeing him down for long.
ааааааааааа УShe was my woman!Ф Remy screamed.
ааааааааааа УSheТs not your property!Ф Joseph shouted back, and
this time there was only rage, no jibing, no goading in his words. УHer life is
hers alone, her decisions are hers to make!а
Why canТt you accept the fact that she came to me willingly, of her own
free will?а Do you think Rogue would let
anyone make her choices for her?!а Give
her some credit!а Or is that too much
for you to handle?!а How can you swear
that you love her, when you canТt even treat her as her own human being?!Ф
ааааааааааа At the words a wild powerlessness flooded Remy, and
sudden tears stung his eyelids, so that his grip loosened and the brutal
purpose was knocked out of him.а No, no,
he thought rabidly, itТs not possible, Rogue wouldnТt, couldnТt do dis to meЕ!а Why, when I tried to give her everythinТ I
had, every ounce of what I possessedЕ?
ааааааааааа УI do!Ф he suddenly cried, helpless. УI do love her!Ф
ааааааааааа УSo do I!Ф Joseph roared back.а And then it all went, everything.а For a moment Remy stared at him, and was
sickened and awestruck to see it in JosephТs eyes, the thing he saw when he
looked in the mirror and thought of her, the thing he had always thought
belonged to him and him alone.а He saw
JosephТs love in his eyes Ц he saw his own love in JosephТs eyes.а A wave of nausea came over him, and suddenly
the uniqueness of his devotion to the woman he loved was only a pile of so many
shattered shards of glass on the floor.а
Never had anything so horrified him, so completely undone him.а Releasing his grip he let go of the other
man, standing on suddenly weakened legs, his head whirling.
ааааааааааа He believed Joseph.
ааааааааааа He hated him, but he believed him.
ааааааааааа He hated himself.
ааааааааааа But suddenly everything seemed clear to him.
ааааааааааа УYouТre right,Ф he said at last, his voice thick with
bile. УShe isnТt mine.а I never owned
her in de first place.Ф
ааааааааааа He paused, turning away, stilling himself, calming
himself for what he was about to do.а
Joseph sat up again slowly, swiping the blood from his nose with the
back of his hand before standing, leaning heavily against the nearby
windowsill, his stance guarded.а After a
moment Remy swivelled round, looked at him, his red eyes dull Ц and this time
there was no malice in his gaze.
ааааааааааа УEven if she had been mine, it would never have been
for me to tell her whatТs right for her anТ whatТs wrong.а She chose you.а If she tТinks youТre de right one for her, how can I argue witТ
dat?а SТher life.Ф
ааааааааааа УYes,Ф Joseph spoke up quietly yet firmly, standing
straighter. УIt is.Ф
ааааааааааа Remy looked up at him again, his eyes suddenly gleaming
Ц but not with animosity.
ааааааааааа УYouТre a lucky man, Joseph,Ф he said at last. УAnТ
bТfore I leave, dereТs somethinТ I want tТ ask of you.а You treat dat girl right, yТ hear me?а Treat her right anТ make her happy.а Dat way, nothinТ I went through for her will
be in vain.а I want her tТ know dat
whatever decision she made, it was de right one.а Promise me youТll take care of her.Ф
ааааааааааа УYou donТt need to ask for it,Ф the other replied
firmly.а Remy knew.а He knew already.а He almost envied the man for speaking with more conviction than
he ever could have done.а It pained him
to realize that he was making the right decision.а He had nothing to offer Rogue.а
Joseph had everything.а
Stability, consideration, patience, gentleness, trust, love.а Rogue needed nothing more than what she had
already.
ааааааааааа And so he left, not because it was any easier for him,
but because it was easier for her.а
Because she deserved no less, because now it was the only thing he could
give her.а There was no resentment in
that.а There was no regret in doing her
no further harm.
ааааааааааа He left the mansion without really thinking about it,
walked out the front door with no particular destination in mind.а A light rain had sprung over the grounds, and
he stopped as she reached the middle of the driveway, raising his head to meet
the moist freshness of the world.а
Another day, another way.а
Another deviation on the road of life.а
Which road to take, he thought?а
For once, it didnТt really matter anymore.
ааааааааааа УRemy!Ф
ааааааааааа He heard her voice, turned.а She was running out onto the driveway after him, and for a moment
he wondered why she would run, why she would call, why any of it could possibly
matter.а Was it arrogant, to hope that
she might be running back to him?а To
believe that there was still hope?
ааааааааааа She stopped a little way away from him, suddenly
uncertain, not knowing what to say.а For
a long while they remained silent, and he dug his hands into his pockets, a wry
smile curving on his lips.
а ааааааааааУHi,
Roguey.а Long time no see.Ф
ааааааааааа УWhere are you goinТ?Ф she asked at last.
ааааааааааа УI dunno,Ф he replied candidly. УAway.Ф
ааааааааааа УWhy?Ф Her brow was furrowed.а It was almost attractive. УYou only just got back!а WeЕwe need you here!а You canТt just up and leave, so soon after
everythinТ that happened with Irene!Ф
ааааааааааа Irene?а Why did
she still insist on calling that maniac Irene?
ааааааааааа УDereТs nothinТ for me here, chere. You know how it is
witТ me.а No one can trust me.а I only end up gettinТ in de way. WhatТs de
point in stayinТ? Ф
ааааааааааа He made as if to turn, unable to carry on looking at
her; but she took his arm, clutching on fiercely.
ааааааааааа УRemy, you canТt go!Ф she cried.
ааааааааааа УWhy?Ф
ааааааааааа УBecause ahЕah need you!Ф
ааааааааааа He looked down at her face, unable to keep the surprise
from his voice.
ааааааааааа УYou do?а Why?Ф
ааааааааааа УBecause youТre my friend.а AnТ ah donТt want tТ see you walk away again.а Not after everythinТЕNot afterЕФ She
stopped, unable to say the words, her throat contracted, sudden tears were in
her eyes just as they were in his.
ааааааааааа УRogue, listen to yourself.а YouТre not makinТ any sense.Ф He paused, turned to her, held her
by the sleeves of her sweater, held onto her eyes. УRogue, tell me what you
want.Ф
ааааааааааа УAh donТt know!Ф she cried, shaking her head. УAh just
want you to stay with us!Ф
ааааааааааа УDo you think I could, Rogue?Ф he answered sadly,
evenly. УDТyou tТink I could bear it, stayinТ here witТ you in another manТs
bed?а WatchinТ you anТ him together, day
in anТ day out?Ф
ааааааааааа She stared up at him, tears mingling with the rainwater
on her cheeks, and he resisted the urge to fold his arms about her and hold her
to him, to touch that face in all its beauty.
ааааааааааа УWe had somethinТ,Ф she whispered. УHow can you pretend
thereТs nothinТ there, not even friendship?Ф
ааааааааааа УI canТt pretend,Ф he returned simply. УAnТ datsТ why I
can't stay.а You donТt belong tТ no one,
Rogue.а Least of all tТ me.а YouЕyou were never mine tТ begin with.Ф He
paused, forcing down the sudden knot in his throat. УDatТs why I can let you go
now, chere.а DatТs why I can let you
free tТ be witТ Joe.а Don't waste what
heТs givinТ you.а You know itТs more den
I could ever give.Ф
ааааааааааа He turned away, letting go of her, walking,
aimless.а All that mattered was the
outside, the unwalked, the unknown.а The
only thing he remembered having once known was her, her body, her love.а And if he held onto that now, then it would
kill him.а There was more to life than
love.а More to life than his friends,
than the X-Men.а More to life than Rogue.
ааааааааааа He just didnТt know, as he walked away from her, if it
would ever be as precious.
*
ааааааааааа Rouge trailed back inside, a confusion, a numbness
inside her.а She did not know how long
she had stayed out on the driveway after he had left, but there had seemed no
substance, no continuity from the moment that he turned from her to the moment
that she herself trudged back towards the mansion.а Her sense of displacement was great.а She could and couldnТt understand any of it.а Her heart ached, but it did not pain
her.а Her mind was caught in a
maelstrom, and she, alone, stood in the calm center at the eye of the storm. He
had asked her one thing Ц Сtell me what you wantТ Ц and she hadnТt known.а She still didnТt know.а The only thing she had felt certain of was
that he should not walk away, that he should not leave.а Her, or the X-Men?а That was the thing that troubled her.
ааааааааааа She returned to her room, lay on her bed,
embryo-formed, hugging her favourite teddy tight in her arms.а There was nothing, just bewilderment.а It was not wrong to say that she cared for
him.а Just how much, she did not know
anymore.
ааааааааааа УRogue?Ф It was JosephТs voice, soft, tender, over her
shoulder. УRogue?а Are youЕcrying?Ф
ааааааааааа УNo,Ф she answered shortly.а She did not want to turn round and face him, not just yet.
ааааааааааа УRogue,Ф he began again slowly, realising that for now
she needed to be alone. УIТm sorry this had to happen.а Truly.а
And if you feel at all that youТveЕchanged your mindЕThen please tell
me, wonТt you?а Please, donТt cry for
him.Ф
ааааааааа ааУAhТm not
crying, Joe,Ф she repeated, turning to face him, her face and eyes dry, but
pale. УAhТm just feelinТЕnumb inside.а
So much has happenedЕФ
ааааааааааа УI know,Ф he answered, stroking her cheek with a
soothing touch. УYou need to be alone for a while.а But Rogue?а I love
you.а You know I do.Ф
ааааааааааа УI know, Joe,Ф she returned quietly.а He smiled at her, stood upright.
ааааааааааа УIТll leave you now.Ф
ааааааааааа He slipped away, closing the door to the bedroom softly
behind him.
ааааа ааааааRogue turned,
clutched the bear tight.а She couldnТt
bear it.а She couldnТt bear what she had
done, nor could she bear his words, neither of their words.а How could she have admitted to Remy that she
had hid behind the bathroom door and listened to every word that he had
said?а That she had thought that he
would fight with every last ounce of strength in his body to win her back, that
he would move heaven and earth to hold her in his arms again once more, and thus
prove his love to her?
ааааааааааа He had not.а
Somehow, some understanding had passed between him and Joseph Ц he had
surrendered, given up, walked away.а The
strangeness of his words haunted her.а
Why abandon every claim he had had on her?а Why?
ааааааааааа That numbness again, tainted by fear.а What should she have done?а Run out, run after him, throw her arms about
him, kiss him and tell him she wanted him back?а Did she want him anymore? Tell me what you want.а She wanted Joseph.а And she wanted him.
ааааааааааа Then and only then did the warm tears spill from her
eyes, and the numbness inside her was broken.