50 Ways to Kill a Cajun,

by Stormfreak

 

Certainly Rogue was hearing things wrong. Looking for Storm down in the locker room, she'd stumbled across her boyfriend Gambit, of all people, holding a rather odd conversation with his best friend.

"Never again, Remy. We go through this every time we do this."

"But chere, I didn't even get it! All o'dat beggin' an' I wasn't even satisfied!"

"That is none of my concern, Remy. I want my money as soon as you get it. All of this. I've done this for you too many times, and I'm tired of it."

"But you love me."

"If I loved you, I would not charge you for it. And it is not my duty to satisfy you every time you need it."

Oh my God! Rogue thought wildly. Storm's hooking! And she's hooking with my man! I'll kill them!

Peeking into the large room, Rogue watched in horror as Ororo rubbed her abdomen abent-mindedly. "Now, please let me pass so that I can take a hot bath. I'm sure you can understand that I'm quite tired and sore after this workout that you just insisted that we have - and on the basketball court, of all the places in the world." Turning around, she lifted up her shirt, exposing a large, raw patch of skin about three shades lighter than the rest of her cocoa complexion. "Look at what you did to my back! It'll take weeks to heal from this burn."

"But you da only one dat can obliterate my thirst, mon chere. An' come t'think of it, dere's no better place t'do it than a shower..."

Nope, Rogue thought. Death's too kind for this asshole. I'm gonna rip his balls off and shove them down this bitch's throat. Then I'll kill them.

"Go see your girlfriend for that," Ororo was saying. "You've used me for the last time. So says the wind, so says I."

"What does dat mean?"

"It means go away!"

"Chere! I've asked Jean. I've asked Betsy. I've even asked Cyclops. None of dem will help me! You da only one I have right now, and I'm about to die!"

Rogue felt herself getting lightheaded. Okay. I'm going to get my blood tested. Then I'm going to rip his balls off and shove them down Super Slut's throat. Then I'm going to kill them!

"Remy! You know why they won't help you? Because you're a pushy, annoying flirt who only thinks with one head, and no one wants to be around you, and right now, you smell!"

"Stormy." Remy placed his hand to his heart. "Dat hurt, really hurt. I am not pushy."

Ororo sighed loudly, whipping her head back to glance at her rear end - or more, namely, between her legs. "Damn it, Remy, I'm bleeding - you made me bleed right through these shorts! Please, let me pass! I have no time for this!"

"Not until you give me what I asked fo'."

"I already gave you some!"

"I want some mo!"

Fine, Remy! Fine! As long as I don't have to see you for the rest of the day - no, the year!" Ororo stomped over to her locker, nearly ripping the door off the handle. "Here!" she half-yelled, shoving a fistful of money in his hand. "Go to the store and buy your stupid Gatorade, and when I tell you that the machine in the training hall is broken, listen to me and don't use the blasted machine! You can last without that piss-flavored junk until the machine is fixed!"

Wow, Rogue thought. Storm said piss. She must really be hurtin'.

"T'ank you Stormy," Gambit said, his voice syrupy sweet. After a moment of silence, he added, "I t'ink I'll pick you up some better pads, too. Chere, I know you don't have sex, but I really think you should consider tampons. Dey make 'em slim enough nowadays to - "

CRASH! Rogue leapt back as Gambit came tumbling unceremoniously from the locker room. The door was wide open, pinned to the wall by a wind so fierce that Rogue could hardly stand. Gambit rolled straight past his lover and into the men's locker room, which was right across the hall. "Perfect strike, Storm!" Rogue called to her friend. “Now Ah know why Ah could never break the record for highest female marksman on this team! You’ve had it!”

The men's room opened, and Gambit crawled out, looking right into Rogue's bright green eyes. "Mon couer!" Gambit grinned stupidly. "You come t'wait for me."

"Good t'see all's the same with you and Storm there," Rogue snickered. "You tease her, she nearly kills you, Ah tend t'yer wounds..."

"Aw, nothin' says 'je t'aime' like blowing someone though a door." Remy stood up and brushed off his shapely derriere, then leaned over and kissed Rogue deeply.

"Remy, can Ah tell you how much I love ya right now?" Rogue blurted when they parted, feeling silly about the way she felt earlier. Damn, my own period must be coming up soon.

"Why, y'sick or somethin'?"

Before Rogue could answer, the door to the ladies' shower room opened again. Ignoring Rogue completely, Ororo pushed past the happy couple on the way to her attic loft, calling over her shoulder, "And you still owe me that dollar!"